Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
