I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
