All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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