That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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