How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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