Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
