I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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