And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
