Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
