Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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