somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
