i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
