You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She is in my trunk
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
