i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
