She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize