I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you traded sex for a burrito?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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