A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
