he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize