If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
