all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Mom said you looked used
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
