alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
