Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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