Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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