I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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