All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
