Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
