he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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