i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
