i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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