____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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