the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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