When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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