just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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