I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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