Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
