too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
