Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
