Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
