she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
