I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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