My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
