Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
