Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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