so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
try to milk me bitch
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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