Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
