When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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