he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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