she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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