i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
