dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
