Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
