god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
