I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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