We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
