the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
