you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
