Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
