i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
did i walk over a car last night?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
