Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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