Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
