I will die if light touches me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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