sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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