also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
