if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
