ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
