She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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