I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
