I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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