Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
