I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
