Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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