did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
